It’s Only Fitting

MT. VERNON, TEXAS. WHOREHOUSE SUES LOCAL CHURCH OVER LIGHTNING STRIKE.

Diamond D’s brothel began construction on an expansion of their building to increase their ever-growing business. In response, the local Baptist Church started a campaign to block the business from expanding–with morning, afternoon, and evening prayer sessions at their church. Work on Diamond D’s progressed right up until the week before the grand opening when lightning struck the whorehouse and burned it to the ground.

After the cat-house was burned to the ground by the lightning strike, the church folks were rather smug in their outlook, bragging about “the power of prayer.” But ‘Big Jugs’ Jill Diamond, the owner/madam, sued the church. the preacher and the entire congregation on the grounds that the church…”was ultimately responsible for the demise of her building and her business, either through direct or indirect divine actions or means.”

In its reply to the court, the church vehemently and voraciously denied any and all responsibility or any connection to the building’s demise.

The crusty old judge read through the plaintiff’s complaint and the defendant’s reply, and at the opening hearing he commented, “I don’t know how the hell I’m going to decide this case, but it appears from the paperwork, that we now have a whorehouse owner who staunchly believes in the power of prayer, and an entire church congregation that thinks it’s all bull$hit!

Okay, that may not have happened, but over in Beaverton, Oregon, the Cedar Hills Baptist Church takes boxes of cupcakes to the girls at area strip-joints.  One, called Sunset Strip, is located next to the Sunset Highway, across the street from a large DMV office – where I had the pleasure of spending over three hours last Friday in order to renew my drivers’ license (if that’s what government-run health-care’s like, I’ll pass). According to the owner of the “gentlemens’ club”, the cupcakes are all fine and good, but “It’s kind of funny…not everyone wants to work for the DMV.”

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About maxredlines

experience: biology, zoology, psychology. authored/co-authored papers appearing in peer-reviewed scientific journals, as well as numerous professional proceedings. authored articles appearing in computer-oriented publications. featured in publications ranging from books to New Yorker magazine to television.
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